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Category: School RPG

My silly story.

SRPG #06: Yo Mom!

[map: Small town map. The school is somewhere to your left
You get in the car again, head off towards the street, and head down the road towards your house. Your house is pretty much across the street from the school though so you don’t need to drive far. You abandon the car for a bike because there’s no use to using a car right now, also the car is low on fuel. You arrive at your house. There is a sign on the door:

your house

YOU: oh thats very clever… I wonder if it says the same for everyone who comes by here.

You head inside and your mom is sitting at the kitchen table. You go and talk to her…

MOM: Hi there honey! I head of your little quest and ya know, I just got your GEAR back from the shop.
YOU: What gear is this mom? I don’t know nothing about gear in a shop.
MOM: Here you go sweetie!


MOM: Your GEAR has many useful pieces to it. There is a built in map, and a phone, but you can’t make any calls unless you add people to your phone book and they add you to theirs.
YOU: You mean to say the phone is essantially a Jitterbug? >_>
MOM: Oh by the way… what day of the week is it?
YOU: c’mon don’t you know? There is a calendar right over there.
MOM: What day of the week is it?
YOU: yeah its Tuesday.
MOM: So its 18:02:13 on TUESDAY?
YOU: When’s 18:02? Do ya mean 6pm? Yes it is.
MOM: Thanks. Talk to me about your money or daylight savings time. Good luck!
YOU: … -_- ok thanks mom.

And you head upstairs, hoping to find out more about this gear.

SRPG #05: Biology Class

[map: Big lab. Lots of weird machines and a bookcase crammed full of stuff. Other students sitting around at tables with various creatures on them. Clearing at the far end of the lab where the teacher sits with three creatures in cages on a table to his right.]
As you come into the biology class, you feel a strong urge to run to the back and talk to the teacher… 

YOU: I’d better go and find out what that guy has to say. Hopefully he isn’t as loony as my English teacher.
TEACHER: Hi PLAYER ONE! Welcome to the world of monsters! People refer to me as the PROF. I got a big job for you which will require you to do some off campus work.
YOU: No!! Not another pointless field study!
TEACHER: Well I got an acquaintance named MR. CREATURE. He sent me an email today telling me he’s discovered something that will change our world forever!
YOU: o rly? and whats that?
TEACHER: Well I’d go and see him myself to find out, but I’m very busy right now. Take a MONSTER from that table over there and go and find him yourself.
YOU: Can’t you just email him back asking what’s so great?
TEACHER: Hurry up and choose a MONSTER.
YOU: I’m not sure I’d like a monster running around next to me. Besides, there is a hamster in that cage, a dog in that one, and clearly a parrot in the last. Those aren’t MONSTERS. They are pets!
TEACHER: Some trainers keep these MONSTERS as pets, while others use them to BATTLE.
YOU: >_> fine fine. I take the dog.
TEACHER: You want the large ground based MONSTER, DOGGY?
YOU: Yeah gimme the dog.


YOU: Riiiiight. now can I have a leash or what?
TEACHER: Find MR. CREATURE right away! Don’t worry, you have been cleared by the school to leave campus. I’ve already arranged for it.
YOU: Well seeing how crazy this day has been I think I might need a break.
TEACHER: Have you found MR. CREATURE yet? Take this TOWN MAP to get started!

PLAYER ONE put the TOWN MAP in the key items pocket of the bag.

YOU: But that isn’t a key! It’s a map r-tard!
TEACHER: Now get going!

You leave and are heading back to the exit when another guy in a lab coat stops you. 

LAB COAT MAN: Hi there PLAYER ONE! I am the PROF.’s assistant! I think you’ll need this on your journey!

PLAYER ONE put the LEASH in the key items pocket of the bag. 

YOU: Whatever I guess that keys can be anything now adays. what does this key open? btw thanks a lot for getting me a decent leash this dog has been running around me in circles for the past few minutes.
LAB COAT MAN: I wish you well on your journey to MR. CREATURE’s house. By the way, stop by and see your MOM before leaving.
YOU: Why do I need to see my mom? I saw her this morning!
LAB COAT MAN: Good luck!
YOU: fine… sheesh!

And now, leash in hand, dog on leash, you head out to find Mr. Creature.

SRPG #04: In the classroom

[map: classroom. Lots of desks, all desks filled except one. Table at the back of the room with a PC, table at the front of the room with sheets of paper on it. Teacher standing before chalkboard at front of room.]
When we previously left our hero, they beat up a security guard, got his badge and a bunch of other random junk, and walked into the classroom. The teacher runs up to them when they walked in…

You’re late! Do you have one LATE EXCUSE(s)? 


TEACHER: Alright then. Take your seat, class is about to begin!
YOU: If I’m late hasn’t class already begun? Like 30 minutes ago? Seriously…
TEACHER: Take your seat, class is about to begin!
YOU: Fine fine…

And you take your seat. Now the teacher begins talking… 

TEACHER: Hi class, I hope you enjoyed your weekends. Today I am going to talk to you about the different types of monsters that roam this world.
YOU: Excuuuuse me Mrs. Teacher, but today is Tuesday. We haven’t had weekends in over a day. Also this is ENGLISHclass ain’t it? Why are we talking about some mystery monsters?
TEACHER: As you can see, this monster, the HAMSTAR, lives primarily in a cage. It has a basic attack of SCRATCH,and a basic ability of BURROW.
YOU: uh huh I kinda know that my hamster will scratch me.
TEACHER: Inflicting 4 HP damage with a 95% success rate at level 2 is standard for HAMSTERs.
YOU: I’m guessing with that sandwich of mine I could recover more hp than that. >_>
TEACHER: What condition shall I teach you today?


TEACHER: Thats all for today class.
YOU: That’s all? Thank god class was sooooo long today!! NOT.
YOU: Well I’d better get to the next class then… lets see… next class is…. biology. Huh they will probably be teaching me English there, won’t they.

SRPG #03: Guard Duty

[map: School ]
When you get back to school, you park the car and walk back over to class. Just when your at the door of your class, a guy in a guard uniform comes up to you.

SECURITY GUARD: You little brat! You’re going straight to the principals office!
YOU: Sorry officer, can’t you just let me off with a warning? >_>

[battle music sounds and the screen clears. you are faced with a battle screen now]
SECURITY GUARD wants to battle! 

 What? Aren’t you just going to take me in for questioning? This really doesn’t feel right.

PLAYER ONE – 10 HP lost!

YOU: OMG he is serious. Well, if you don’t want to talk, I got somethin for ya amigo…

SECURITY GUARD is paralyzed! Maybe it can’t attack!


SECURITY GUARD calls for reinforcements. Recovered 15 HP!

YOU: Oh that doesn’t really help does it now. Not after THIS!

Its super effective! 

YOU: I bet ya didn’t see that coming did u?

PLAYER ONE gains 451 exp.
PLAYER ONE has reached LEVEL 6!

YOU: Huh? I didn’t even know I wasn’t level 6 before. Whats that all about?

found $4000 cash!

YOU: Yeah I’m rich! Where did I find it anyways? Maybe there’s more where that came from.

[battle scene fades and now we’re back at school]
You talk to the security guard now… 

GUARD: OK you win, take this BADGE as proof.


GUARD: With SECUREBADGE, monsters up to level 50 will now obey you, and you can use HM’s outside of battle. Oh, and here take this too…


GUARD: With ACCESS CODE, you can get into any locked doors around the school. There are many different items to find in security closets. You should be getting back to CLASS now. Aw, take this too…


GUARD: LATE EXCUSE can only be used once, but will excuse you from being late. Defeat other GUARDS and you can obtain more LATE EXCUSE items. See ya!

And just like that the guard vanished from the screen. 

YOU: … I got nothing to say. That was just weird.. I’d better head back to class now anyways.
And you entered the classroom.

SRPG #02: Excursion Pt. 2

[map: A place with many identical looking buildings entitled Magenta Town…. a real cheap-o name if you ask me]
Driving into town, your character decides to go get a snack at the Starbucks in Safeway. Pulling into a parking spot at the empty parking lot, he sees that the Safeway looks a bit different than he would have thought, with a big sign on it that says “MART”.

PLAYER ONE gets out of the CAR!

You now walk your character up to the entrance. Inside, the MART is really small, and there are two counters in the back. You talk to one of the shoppers there and they say to you…

WOMAN: Did you know that you can lower your chance of being randomly attacked in the streets by buying SUPER REPEL? It costs a bundle, but will protect you for 500 steps!
YOU: Random attacks in the streets? Did you get dropped on your head when you were a baby?
WOMAN: Did you know…
And the only thing the shopper did was repeat the same sentence over and over. Weird eh?
So you walk over to the Starbucks counter and talk to the guy there…
SHOPKEEPER: What would you like to BUY?
>Venti Mocha
SHOPKEEPER: VENTI MOCHA? Of course! How many would you like?
YOU: duhhh let me think about that… 5 billion! jk jk I only want ONE..
SHOPKEEPER: And you would like 5,000,000,000? Certainly. That will be $4,829,397,144,921.. OK?
SHOPKEEPER: And you would like 1? Certainly. That will be $250. OK?
SHOPKEEPER: You currently have 1,621 cash.
YOU: Oh, alrighty. Just gimme one.
SHOPKEEPER: Here ya go, thanx!
YOU: You little price gouging son of a…
SHOPKEEPER: Please come again soon!
And with that, you head back to the car, sipping your coffee.
Now heading back you suddenly realize that class has started again!
YOU: Aw man… how am I going to get out of this one? If the guards catch me I’m dead meat.

SRPG #01: Excursion

This is where the adventure really begins, folks!

[map: Front of generic looking school near Route 1; Beginning of lunch.]
You see before you a bunch of people sitting outside, talking about stuff. You approach one of them…

KID: Hi there, PLAYER 1! You’d better not try anything else campus security might come after you.

[Start > Bag > Key Items > BICYCLE ]

OAK: PLAYER 1, this isn’t the time to use that!
YOU: Who are you?! I’ll do what I want.

PLAYER 1 mounted the BICYCLE !
You head toward the road. Just before you reach it…

SECURITY GUARD: You aren’t going anywhere until school gets out.

Your character moves two spaces back.
You bicycle down the hallway towards the sports field. You are just about to step on the grass when…

SECURITY GUARD: You aren’t going anywhere until school gets out..
YOU: Where the **** are all these voices coming from? I see no security guard anywhere. I’ll prove it to ya. Here we go.

Your character moves two spaces back.

YOU: HOW DOES THAT WORK?! I try to go forward and I go back? I’ll show you…

You dismount your bicycle and walk to the fire trails. Here ya go, walking up the hill when… >smack<! you slam into an invisible wall.

YOU: >_> you gotta be kidding me. Who put this wall here? And why can’t I see it?

You spot an old man standing about 10 paces away from you. You walk right up to him and he doesn’t seem to notice you until you decide to talk to him…

OLD MAN: PLAYER ONE, do you want to know a secret? To get out of here, you need to obtain the item CAR KEYS and get in a CAR. Watch out for GUARDS though as they can send you back to class.
YOU: It’s lunchtime idiot. There are no classes right now. Why are u standing out here by yourself telling me secrets anyways? And can everyone stop calling me PLAYER ONE?
OLD MAN: Remember what I told you? Get the CAR KEYS and get in a CAR.
YOU: I get it. Now can you tell me why there is an invisible wall here?
OLD MAN: Remember what I told you? Get the CAR KEYS and get in a CAR.
YOU: … I give up.

Walking over to a car, you try to get in it…
The CAR will not start without CAR KEYS!
So you search around school, talking to various people who are telling you random things like ‘Lunch is my favorite time of the day.’ One dude is nice enough to say…

DUDE: Hey, PLAYER ONE! Are you hungry?
DUDE: That’s cool, I like your style. Maybe we can be friends. Here, take this SANDWICH. It restores 20 HP!
YOU: HP?!! >_<
DUDE: You know, if you can find my GIRLFRIEND, she might just give you the CAR KEYS your looking for. Tell her I sent you.
YOU: How do you know that I am looking for them? And why would she just give me the keys to her car? This is making no sense, pal.
DUDE: Did you find my GIRLFRIEND yet?

And so you go and look for the dude’s gf. Its a pretty easy thing to do since there are only 10 people in the entire lunchroom…

GIRL: Hi PLAYER ONE! I’m DUDE’s GIRLFRIEND. He told me to give you these CAR KEYS and since I have no use for them, here ya go!

PLAYER ONE obtained CAR KEYS! PLAYER ONE put the CAR KEYS in the items pocket of the BAG.

YOU: Wait his name is really DUDE? Also why would you be the gf of an idiot like him? Ya know he offered to be my friend and give me a sandwich just cuz I like to eat.. Ain’t that weird to you? And how did he communicate to you that I was coming anyways? You nor he have moved from your spots and neither of you have cell phones. God… this is really weird.
GIRL: My BOYFRIEND’s name is DUDE. Have you met him?
YOU: -_- nvm.
GIRL: My BOYFRIEND’s name is DUDE. Have you met him?

And with that you now have car keys and are going to get away from school.
You walk over to the car and try to get in again…
The CAR’s engine is starting up!
And now ur in the car. You drive over to the road, and are able to get on it.
Driving down the street, you hear a school bell ring…
The SCHOOL BELL has rang. Everyone back to CLASSROOMS!

YOU: I don’t recall having the windows rolled down. How can I hear that from here?

Driving down the road, you see a sign…

YOU: Ooh… my house is 2 miles away? Who’s the stalker that painted this sign?!

Driving down the street, you pass the sign and the music you’ve been hearing the entire time you were at school changes, and your vision gets tinted blue. You are now in MAGENTA TOWN, heading to your next destination.

SRPG # 00: Pilot

OK. This is the beginning of a very long, very complicated story that’s in need of a plot, a good 10 hours of planning, and some basic proofreading. I’ve been writing it as I go (over 3 years now!) and it just gets worse. Some day when I have 10 hours to devote to it, I’ll revise everything, making it all better. Until then, enjoy the unfinished remains!

[dramatic battle music sounds]
[screen clears, revealing battle scene]

Wild HOMEWORK wants to fight!

BRAIN‘s intelligence rose!
BRAIN‘s concentration sharply fell!
It’s not very effective…
HOMEWORK is now due 2 days earlier!
Good, BRAIN. Now return!
Go, DOG!
Foe HOMEWORK attempts to flee!
Escaping is not allowed, due to DOG‘s ARENATRAP!
DOG uses EAT!
Its super effective! 
Foe HOMEWORK is eaten!
BRAIN gains 21 experience points!
DOG gains 1 tasty meal, 894 experience points